ASD and me

Three years ago, my world was rocked by three little letters. The letters ASD changed my life forever in a few short moments as my oldest son Will was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Hearing the diagnosis itself actually wasn’t a shock to me. There had been a six month waiting list to get tested and during that time, I felt as if I had searched the web from start to finish and already knew in my heart what the tests would show. What really sticks in my brain is the first moment that someone mentioned that we needed to get him tested for autism. Even as a physician, what I knew of autism was fairly vague and I was shocked how much I didn’t know. How could I miss something so huge in my own child? Through my web searches, slowly but surely the realization that my son had autism settled in my heart, and with that conclusion, I grieved for everything I had dreamed for him from the moment that I first held him. My son was still the same that he had been before the diagnosis, but I was the one changed. I struggled to talk to other moms, especially when they were telling stories about their “normal” children. How could I explain to others what I didn’t understand myself at the time? I was still struggling with my own expectations and learning how to guide my son through his own struggles. I felt lost as a mother, not knowing how to parent a child with autism. Suddenly, the basics of parenting weren’t applicable and I had to start over and learn how to get my child to listen and to make eye contact, learning the difference between an over stimulated anxiety attack versus a three year old tantrum. I was on constant guard, hoping to prevent a meltdown and feeling completely helpless when one occurred.
My biggest fear of all was that God couldn’t penetrate my son’s world and make Himself known. As I began to make great leaps in understanding my son’s way of processing the world around him and by watching him overcome so much, I was no longer afraid that God wouldn’t be able to reach my son and I repented that I had put limits on a limitless God. I know that autism had made me a better mother, growing my patience and appreciation of the daily victories, and I know that God has something special and wonderful planned for my son. Will changes people’s minds and hearts with an amazing perspective on the world that draws people to him. Understanding and hope are fostered through love and relationship. The ministry of Tuscaloosa Autism Education through Capstone Church was formed to raise awareness and bring hope to those affected by autism. Now God has put a passion in my heart for making others aware of autism. Currently 1 in 110 children (1 in 70 boys) have autism. More children will be diagnosed with autism this year than AIDS, diabetes, and cancer combined! Children with autism have a delay or abnormal function of social interactions, language, symbolic or imaginative play. They tend to have no filter; they see and hear things that we don’t pay attention to. How hard it must be to focus when you see and hear EVERYTHING all at once. There is no way to tell a child has autism from their appearance, so when a meltdown occurs in public, many people look at you and your child as if you have 3 heads and are the worst parent in the world. I hope that through awareness and relationship, more people will think twice before judging those of us affected by autism and offer a helping hand instead of parenting advice. My beautiful boy lives in a world that is full of stimuli that hurts him, but he goes into it every day and tries to be a part of it. I can’t protect him from sensory overload all the time, but I continue to try and fight along with him.
Last year, I began to notice some of the warning signs of autism in my youngest son Jake. I had the overwhelming urge to say “God, please don’t put this on me too.” Then I cried for Jake but not myself. I was no longer afraid of autism, as I was when facing the diagnosis with Will. I mourned that my second child might have to face the same struggles as his older brother. God comforted me in my grief and my new attitude about autism was born. My response to the possibility of fighting these battles against autism with Jake also was “Bring it on!” and I became the warrior mom. As much as I had learned for Will’s battles, I knew I still had more to learn to help Jake maneuver these waters of autism if I was to have any chance to prevent autism in my youngest child. By going on the attack and starting therapies at such an early age, we are thrilled that Jake is without signs of autism at this time.
In spite of the autism, or better said, because of the autism, God has great plans for my boys and for me and I trust that He will see those through; and I promise to not get in the way with my doubts and fears. God keeps my hopes soaring and my expectations in check so that I rejoice in the daily victories and don’t despair in the temporary defeats. Raise your swords fellow warrior moms and let’s go battle for our children! See you on the frontlines...